“Hi, my name is Joie, I was looking at your profile and I wanted to ask a question. Your confidence is so strikingly wonderful, how do you get past that little voice in your head and the voices of others? People saying how much prettier you’d be if you lost weight and stuff? I’ve struggled with my weight and body image my entire life. I see people like you and I am so inspired and ready to take that leap of faith where I wear whatever I want and then I look up and feel that sinking feeling.

I also would love to know how you got into the modeling industry, I’ve had people tell me I should do it but my parents say that I need to lose weight first… even though plus models exist…. how did you get to where you are?”

Hi Joie, I grew up in a city, where people felt like it was okay to call you out on your weight. I was often met with questions like, “You’ve grown fat, what are you eating.” For some reason, Ugandans have no problem making sleek comments about one’s appearance – they will blurt it out, without considering how sensitive the topic might be. What’s even more interesting is that the person asking might be overweight themselves and yet somehow find the confidence to question yours.

One…

The first thing about confidence is being real with yourself. I am a curvy, thick, fat whatever you want to call it girl…I am.

Two…

My second step is to acknowledge that I am not the only one and that there are curvy people everywhere I look. In the United States alone, 68.8 percent of adults are overweight, meaning that in every 10 people, about 7 of them are considered fat…mind you, we are just counting weight, and not general body insecurities. I don’t consider this a form of consolation. It’s a way of understanding that I am not a unique human being and that I shouldn’t think of my self as different (it also explains why I can never find a size large anything, it’s too many of us buying the clothes).

Three…

Step three is my perception. I’m sure you’ve heard about the “glass half empty, half full phrase”. Like everyone, I have strengths and weaknesses. I’m a strong believer in the fact that we choose how to live our lives, and I choose to live my life focusing on my strengths. I’m not going to lie to you that I find everything on myself perfect. God knows if I won the lottery, lipo surgery would be in my Top 5 list. However, just because I’m not at my ab goals, doesn’t mean I should sulk for the rest of my life. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see things about myself that I want to change. I see a lady with ambitions and dreams to accomplish her goals.

I have soooo many things I could be thankful for and I chose to focus on them. I focus on the fact that I have a promising career, that I have friends and family that care for my existence and even the simple fact that I have a roof over my head (trust me, if a homeless person had to choose between a winter coat and toned legs, it would be a quick decision). Focus on the good.

Four…

Surround yourself with positive energy. I will literally drop a friend in seconds if they are negative – I don’t care what history we have. I had a friend and whenever she spoke, her statements went like, “That girl gets hit on by so many guys because she’s skinny and light,” or “I need to get thinner so that I can get a man.” It just didn’t make sense to me that her idea of beauty was solely based on appearance, which had to be thin and pale toned, yet I, a chubby dark skinned girl was considered a friend. You would think that my being in a relationship would have been enough proof that inner beauty is what mattered, but this girl was so stuck in her darkness – I decided to cut her off.

Never surround yourself with people who don’t see the beauty in you – don’t even give them a chance. The only thing that they will do is make you feel bad about yourself when they should be working on who they are. When you’re around a crowd that is elevating and everyone wishes well for each other, and supports their endeavors, your confidence levels are heightened #GoodVibesOnly.

Five…

A good attitude is always in vogue. I wrote this powerful article about the Alpha woman and I know you’ll find it handy whenever you need a confidence boost.

Six…

I taught myself how to love my body and myself. When I surrounded myself with opinionated body-shamers, I found myself feeling bad about how I looked. However, I’m not the type to mope around for long, I thrive on finding solutions to problems, and I created something I like to call “the distraction”.

I noticed that every time I dressed nice, I got outfit compliments instead of weight criticism, so I decided to look great all the time. It didn’t have to be my whole outfit, I just wore something catchy and beautiful. The trick worked. The “What are you eating” turned into “I like your necklace and shoes” and on my part, my sense of style got better…so much better that it was worth starting a style blog.

Seven…

I take great care of myself. Every now and then, I get professional pedis or eyebrow shaping, wax my legs and never leave the house with bad hair or sans perfume. I also throw in a light workout here and there and moderate my junk eating habits.  When you look good, you will feel good.

Eight…

It’s funny you say that sometimes you get nervous about wearing what you want. I do to. That last outfit post, I actually texted my sister and asked her if I looked indecent. For some reason, I felt like the shorts were too short – she loved the look. The only way you will know if an outfit works for you is if you experiment. It can be tricky to master how to wear clothes in a way that will flatter your body shape – that’s the reason why I started my blog, to inspire women and show them how to pull off top trends with their curves and curls. Check out my style section and there, you will find a couple of good tips.

Nine…

Finally, I’m not a model…but thanks! About my blog, I just started. The beauty of a blog is that it grows as you grow. I used to get very stressed out when comparing my blog to the more established ones that had enormous followings. Now, I appreciate the beauty in having smaller loyal followings. For me it’s not about popularity, it’s about being relatable, living a positive life, and sharing the goodness. Don’t blog about what’s popping, blog what your passionate about.

Ten…

One last thing, let me just say that comments from those dearest to you will be the ones that hurt the most. I hope you know that when your parents tell you to loose weight, it’s not because they think you wouldn’t look good in pictures. People from older generations come from a time where the word ‘model’ was associated with a size zero. Times have changed and that might take a moment for them to process. Be the one to help them transition.

When I was a young teen I watched Paris Hilton say, “Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara.” Everyday Joie, everyday, I take my crown with me.

You are beautiful on the outside, so now, find your inner queen, crown her, and never take that tiara off.

Love, Buba.