I wish I could hold onto my twenties a little longer. I know I have one more year, but I would love to be 27 again. It probably has to do with being nervous about taking full responsibility in my thirties.

I never had the typical “non-judgmental” transition that a lot of my age-mates had. Their twenties were for making bad financial decisions, and worse career ones. It was okay to have a shit love-life—they were young. The twenties were for fucking up.

I spent my twenties…my “fucking up” years, in school…doing all the right things. And now that I’m out and going through due process, what should be seen as growing pains is perceived as a major setback. I’m being held to the same standards as someone that’s had the last 10 years to figure it out.

At 29, I’m transitioning from being a student for 25 years straight, to finding my place amongst the working folk. From being fully dependent on my parents, to taking full financial responsibility. All those little things I had filed in my “after I graduate” folder, are now looking at me. I am trying to keep a healthy lifestyle, healthy friendships and attempting to find a healthy relationship in a sea of toxicity. Honestly, it’s overwhelming.

I constantly feel like I’m running…running to achieve things that take people decades to complete—but that’s part of the pressure of being a millennial. This past year, I’ve had to remind myself to believe in process—to remind myself that I cannot be fresh out of school and getting on the Forbes 30 under 30 list.

“The biggest dilemma for me, is that I love being by myself. And yet if I plan on achieving even half of my dreams, I have to leave the comfort of my solitude.”

The one dream of mine that has remained consistent is having the luxury of living in different countries for periods at a time—maybe I’d start in China, for two years, on to Italy for three, and maybe Cape Town for a few more. But you make plans and God laughs, just like he laughed at my plans of being married at 29.

I’m walking through 29 with an open mind. I’m embracing good moments and learning from challenging ones. My goal is to alter perceptions of myself—perceptions that were based on generational curses, so I can manifest a life so good, it gives me chills whenever I think about it.