A few years ago in college I found one of my friends having a conversation with a few others about African girls only dating American boys when they come to the United States. Not wanting to get involved, I sat quietly and started to mind my own business, when this guy taps me in the back and asks “Hey you’re African too right? Do you have a boyfriend?” Now every girl alive knows that when a guy asks if you have a boyfriend;
1. Pretend to have not heard and ask him to repeat the question.
2. You have now bought yourself a good 3 seconds to determine your answer, which is completely based on nothing else but his appearance.
3. In those three seconds you scale his face, clothes, shoes, abs, and financial bracket.
“No I don’t have a boyfriend,” I replied. “So would you marry an American man? I told him I was open to love and healthy happy relationships. My friend who was #TeamAmericanBoys cuts in saying I’m boring and I don’t know what I want and that she’ll get me an American who will satis…ok the rest of that story doesn’t matter. Point is, In between their back and forth he asks me what my major was. I say pharmacy. Now turning to me and completely giving me his full attention he replies, “When you graduate, ima marry you.” It was a joke right?
Fast forward to a conversation with a male friend a few months ago who mentioned to me that he only dates women with a masters degree! ….Last time I checked, men don’t want educated women because, allegedly they are controlling, bossy and all those other selfish lame excuses weak minded men give, so yes, I was very interested in this conversation. Turns out he is already planning for his wife’s income. He says if they are both highly educated, they can be able to afford down payment on a big house, he would get help with the bills and life would be better since all the money would be “shared.” In his words, “life lately is not simple, you need a woman who will help out. Uneducated women are too expensive because they only rely on you. All these pretty chics you see around at the club, they’re airheads. I have to marry a woman who will also bring support”…damn, ok!
A few days ago while having lunch with some friends, a conversation sparks off about choosing partners for marriage. The conversation is going on quite casually, people arguing about why men still go to strip clubs after they are married, how a woman is not allowed to go to a club after she is married (by the way, that was an African guy’s opinion…are you surprised, I’m not) when one of the guys says, “Men don’t marry the girl they want. They marry the girl they need. Men settle for someone who will take care of their needs because the woman they are really attracted to can’t be a wife or mother.” Stay with me, I’m about to make my point.
Another guy adds. “All those girls men go for in the clubs, they know they can’t marry them. At the end of the day you settle for someone who is going to take care of you and raise a family.” …Implying that You settle?
One of the females starts to speak in support of what had just been said, adding that couples don’t have to love each other. The love grows with time and that it’s better that way, because if you don’t love him marriage lasts longer and whatever nonsense he does won’t hurt you because you don’t really care.
In this age where a ten year anniversary is a miraculous milestone and divorce gets served quicker than Fast Food, I’m starting to question the world’s perception of marriage when it comes to choosing life partners.
At one point I felt that finding true love was obvious conversation, but I find myself defending love more and more. I find myself reminding ladies that Not all men are dogs, and men that Offering luxurious living won’t attract every woman.
Yes I understand, times are hard, people need to share bills to survive but still, Do people marry for Love or are “we” now just Settling for comfortable lives or who can offer them? Can a marriage can last a lifetime without a man going astray with another woman?