Kisses on the cheek and all over his face.
She held him so close, so tight,
All the strength she had left.
With trembling hands she held his face to hers,
Their heads bound.
Why are you here, its late go home.
I’m fine you should go, a smile across her face.
Slowly walking to the door,
His mind filled with worry, his heart desperate for hope.
He turned to look at her. She waved to him,
A tear running down her pale cheek,
A smile across her face.
He smiled back, faced the floor as he shut the door behind him.
He turns to look at the clock, four in the morning,
He answers his phone.
Mama got worse.
He questioned her judgment,
Yelled for her to find help.
They took her already.
Wearing the first clothes he laid his eyes on.
A bad dream, a prayer to wake soon.
Carefully placing his wreath,
A tear running down his pale cheek.
She held his hand and asked if he was well.
She wants you to remember happy.
So she asked you to leave.
Be strong for you, for her. She loves you.
He looked into her eyes,
The image of his mother’s face.
I love you, he said,
A smile across his face.
(Inspired by a story told to me by a friend who lost their mother to cancer and dedicated to anyone who has been through the pain of watching the ones you love slowly lose their battle to cancer.)
Play a most beautiful song.
Write a most beautiful poem.
Whisper my most beautiful words.
Can’t get it down.
It’s blurry…Love story, blurry.
I don’t have one,
Forgot them all.
Maybe not worth telling anymore.
Smile, no reason to smile.
Laugh, crazy pain.
Fear, my hurt.
Get lost, breathe sorrow.
Hide, Dark Walls.
Dying, break them down.
Too Strong, falling.
Dragging the days, thinking through the nights.
Thinking what to think about.
Feel no pain, sad still.
Crowded, Lonely still.
Laughing, mad still.
Faint voices, my mind.
Confusion, I’m lightheaded.
Fly, my wings don’t work.
Exhausted, Body beat, soul drained, spirit crushed, chest heavy.
Play the song, write a poem, whisper the words.
He stood up and walked to the microphone, a little shy at first but he brushed the nerves off and toughened up. Cleared his throat, capturing the attention of the bar. Hers too. “Uhh hi, Umm, I’m not a poet really but I have a few things on my heart that I wanted to say tonight… to a beautiful lady, a special woman, the one I care about, the one I think about, the one who keeps me up at night…just thinkin.” She avoided his eyes pretending to be occupied with her drink.
Now I know not to put you on the spot like that,
But I wanna give a shout out to you,
The most…special…woman… in my life.
The one I care about,
The one who makes me wanna run out and shout,
About how much I’m burned.
And yea, I know were different,
You say you don’t want me cos were different.
But maybe that’s why we should be together.
Maybe that’s what brings us together.
You sayin I don’t know how to love you,
So teach me how to love you.
You hate my news and I hate your movies,
You even hate my football team,
And I hate your groupies.
But that’s what drives me wild about you.
I can learn to love you.
I can learn to like what you like.
Look at them curves, I love your shape.
I love your shape, I love your face.
I love your face, I love your eyes.
I love your eyes, I love your smile.
They say you can’t change a man.
A man’s gotta make the decision to change himself.
A man’s gotta find the inspiration to change himself.
Well girl you are my inspiration.
And I’m gonna change myself for you.
You say I’m Bad,
Think I need time cos you think am bad.
Yea I admit I had my ways,
But baby that was just a phase.
You say you wanna give me a minute,
But a minute ain’t what I got.
Cos I know a girl like you is hard to find.
Don’t give me a minute,
I don’t know much about you,
But I know you love music…
So let’s dance.
Let’s dance for the rest of our lives,
Let’s dance to the rhythm of life.
Let’s not care about a shit in the world.
Let’s just dance.
Dance with me…Just dance with me.
And I promise you,
I won’t stop dancing.
She sat at the furthest end of the table. As far as She could.
Perhaps the distance would make the awkwardness bearable.
Its crazy, the bond they shared.
They lived for one another.
They completed each other.
Now they sit ten people apart.
Their friends talking, laughing.
She hardly hears them.
Loud voices in her head.
She forces a smile, pretends She’s involved.
Really She’s bursting into tears.
He won’t look down at her,
Deep down She’s glad.
If he did, he would see right through Her.
Still…where she left Her.
She holds back her tears.
No, not now, I can’t…not here.
She clenches Her teeth.
Come on, deep breaths…take deep breaths.
She tells herself louder…
One at a time.
Anything to hold back em tears.
She starts to eat.
The perfect distraction.
Forcing food down her gut.
She starts to wonder how He feels.
He refuses to notice her…
…No, He’s having a conversation.
He seems ok,
He lets out a little laugh.
She knows that laugh…
Damn, She knows that laugh.
Blood in Her nerves starts to race.
She chews harder.
Eyes looking straight at the table.
Body getting cold,
Fingers feeling numb.
Stop! Hurt, let me go please.
I should pray…
I should pray, but my mind’s in too much pain.
She walks out.
And doesn’t look back,
She walks faster,
As Her breaths get stronger.
Fumbling for her keys.
Her heart racing,
Her face breaking into cries.
She hides Her mouth,
She won’t let them hear her.
Locks herself in burying her head into her laps.
Release….don’t forget to breathe.
Quickly, you might get caught.
You never get caught.
Quickly now, wipe your tears,
Clear your throat,
Fix your face.
Where’s the mirror…smile.
Hold it…no,no please don’t start to cry again,
Smile. Smile, you did the best you could.
She forces her lips to crack.
Smile, it will get better.
(She calms herself).
Smile because…because somewhere in there,
You still love you.
Look into your eyes…and find Her.
She’s there…find Her.
You see her…she’s fierce isn’t She?
Hold that thought.
Now Breathe out.
Love me and I promise to love you back.
Choose me and I will take care of you everyday.
Stay with me and I promise never to leave your side.
Pick me and I will make it my life mission to make you happy.
Trust me and I promise to protect you.
Believe in me and I will work to please you.
Walk with me and I will light the path for you.
Hold my hand and I will be your strength when you get weak.
Stand with me and I will support you in the darkest days.
Look in my eyes and you will see the truth in my heart.
All I have ever known, all I do, all I will ever want,
Is to love you from within.
Is to cherish you from the heart,
To feed your soul with true love.
Every blessing I have, I will give to you.
And I will live my days in pride knowing that I have you.
Love me, and I promise to love you back.
Trying to find a middle ground…
You don’t realize how attached you were to something,
Until you start to let go.
Somewhere in my excitement over my accomplishment,
Nervousness for now and fear of what’s ahead.
I should be happy. I am happy.
I see people I know, once strangers, now family.
Tears cloud my eyes as I make my way up.
Every color around me suddenly brings back a sweet memory.
And the hole in my chest when I realize its all over.
This is it!
After today, it all changes.
And then it comes down to these last few steps.
I feel everyone of them.
Everything around me starts to fade.
All I hear, my own breaths,
And these last few steps.
All so faintly,
I hear them.
These strangers, that grew to love me.
Screaming, cheering, my name.
I see us. I see fun, I see laughter, I see comfort.
I see love.
I look up. I smile. I smile when I think of you.
I receive my victory, I say thank you…to you.
Thank you for my life.
Thank you for making me so lucky….
…Thank you for my life.
I look her in the eye. My new found strength.
I take what’s mine.
I earned it.
I made it!
I feel his eyes….
I feel his eyes, so I turn around slowly,
…Slowly as if to catch a glimpse of the room.
But really, I catch a glimpse of him.
Our eyes meet.
But he doesn’t startle.
He stares hard.
He stares hard not giving me a chance,
To make sense of my feelings.
He looks me in the eye,
Like it’s the only chance he’ll get to see my face.
I flash a quick smile.
I pretend to look around some more,
And slowly back to my reading.
I squint my eyes a little, as I try to understand him,
My lips remain tight while I laugh under my breath.
He tries hard to impress me,
Paying attention to every word I say,
He knows his approval depends on it.
Trying to read my mind,
Desperate to know if I feel the same.
But he gets nothing…I give away nothing.
I see the eyes of attraction!
Am I so irresistible, you can’t help but stare?
Oh you are so terrible at hiding.
But then again, I like how you show.
The thrilling thought, a new love,
The kind that gets you excited, you forget,
The promises you made, never try again.
To be wanted, begged, adored…
Barely paying attention to what he says,
Selfishness is the new sexy.
To be the one on his mind all the time.
And the worry in his face at the hint of rejection.
His words deafened by my own thoughts.
Yet it still sounds like music to my ears.
Somewhere in the blur his voice gets louder…
…I think about you all the time…
Yes…Yes, I want you to think about me all the time.
I want you to think about me all day.
And get nothing done,
…Because of me!
And when your friends stop making sense,
You’d rather be by my side.
Before your heart is stolen.
You enjoy it!
Enjoy the moment, you enjoy the affection…the attention.
Enjoy it before his charm wins you over,
And He follows you.
He follows you because He worships you.
He worships you, because he is fallen,
He is fallen,…And you are still standing!
I am not from this world!
I know no pain.
But then again, do I know love?
Who am I to judge the good before feeling the bad.
I walk down this path,
Learning how to want what I want.
Learning to feel Power, distracted by Emotion.
Driven by Faith, seeking comfort in Hope.
Knowing my time is coming.
Patiently, I wait for My Miracle.
At the The peak of your Emotions,
Every hug is the last hug.
So you hold on tight and feel every moment.
Every vein weakens, you shiver, you fear, heart pounding.
You don’t know if you have the strength in you to let go.
You want to let go….for some reason you can’t.
To let go of something you care for so deeply,
You think you’re ready when suddenly,
You want to keep holding on one last time.
And you, Maybe you will stand there without words,
The movement of your hands,
Not knowing where to place them.
The sigh of relief, the shock of reality.
Maybe you would be just as surprised by your own presence.
I keep my eyes on you,
I don’t want to miss this gaze, I can’t miss this gaze.
And to catch you if you tried to fly away.
So I keep my eyes on you,
As I slowly walk towards you.
I see the way you look at me,
It’s my turn.
I feel my feet quicken, slowed by your embrace,
We hold each other so tight.
We’re fighting the universe,
From pulling us apart.
I hold you so tight, I hold you with my life.
My face buried in your chest, my hands hold your neck.
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But no one speaks.
The Past, that doesn’t matter.
This is the future…This is now.
Right here, This is it…where we want to be.
And from here on, we are reborn.
Every laugh is a louder cry,
A celebration of a heavy heart,
Relieved of its pain.
And my Tears, They sooth the wounds,
Where the weight scratched my chest.
And we don’t care, we just hold each other.
We stand there, afraid to speak.
Afraid to say the wrong words.
And me, afraid to wake myself up.
But I am not asleep. I see you.
I feel you. Your smile, your charm.
Your presence is around me, I feel it.
And when you come to my world,
Maybe you will feel my magic.
I have Power, Still distracted by Emotion,
On the wheels of Faith, finding comfort in Hope.
Knowing my time is coming.
So Patiently, I wait for My Miracle.
I burst through the door praying for a lie.
But all my cries were held by my breath.
The cell phone fell to the floor as I run to Her.
I feared She was dead too.
She lay there, face buried in chest. Palms covered with earth.
I tried to make up my mind, if She was alive, looking hard to watch Her breathe.
But my own breaths overpowered my sight.
My strength left my body, dropping me onto my knees.
She rose…slowly, body shaking with fright.
Strands of hair, dripping blood marked Her face, covering Her clouded eyes.
Her lips parted as if to speak, but fear silenced Her words.
She fell into my arms, allowing me to witness His fate.
Lead molded into His body…His soul….His mind.
I had never seen one so helpless…Him so helpless.
My insides twirled as my She tightened Her grip onto me.
I put my hand on Her head and let Her lay on my shoulder.
Her hands trembled on the wood. Her fingers bleeding. Her nails ripped off.
My feet shattered, I crawled to Him.
Leaning closer, His skin smelt of whiskey.
His eyes firing hate.
How could a wished moment create so much terror.
I had heart enough to touch Him, but She wouldn’t let me.
Her shaking hands covered my cheeks. Her speech held back by Her cries.
I read Her lips. Staying was not an option.
A bullet cold parted her mother’s brain as She raced to the car.
She dropped the gun and slowly walked towards the door.
Placing her foot on the body that lay to the side and pushing it down to lay on its back.
Wiping away Her existence, she folded the weapon into her mother’s fingers.
And poured herself a glass of whiskey…and drunk half of it…
Pouring the rest over her mother’s body, and letting the glass fall along with the last drop.
I took short breaths as my eyes looked upon the sin that painted the walls of my Home.
The scratches on the Floor. A woman being dragged.
A strain of blood where Her head tempted the strength of the bricks.
A child penetrated by her own father and beaten numb by her drugged womb.
Covered in blood filled filth and Laughing amidst the clouds of cocaine.
Sniffing what was left of the powder, stacking what was left of the savings.
Throwing the bloody clothes onto the couch and setting them ablaze.
Raving down the dusty road and watching the last of my past glowing in the dark.