An introvert’s guide to maneuvering a room full of strangers…and an LBD for all seasons.
Two weeks ago, I went from having no degree, to graduating with a Pharmacy Doctorate! If that’s not zero to one hundred then I don’t know what is.
After eight crazy years, I finally did it! And it was no basic degree honey, I graduated with honors…Cum Laude….
I was packing for my visit to Miami and while I picked out a swimsuit, I wondered if I would actually go through with wearing it on the beach. …
I get very nostalgic. Before I move on from something, I care to have done it all and done it right. I always have a midway point though, and once I cross that line, I start to look ahead and feel excited for what’s to come….
I’m really not that girl that makes a big deal of her birthday – maybe because I’ve always been around my mum who does the most…throwing parties and all, so I’ve never had to overthink it….
I call my blog “My Happy Place.” Watching something I started as a hobby grow into a brand that I’m proud of has truly been the most exciting bit for me this year. It’s always humbling when I meet new friends who tell me they love my content and keep up with my posts….
She felt her heart beat faster as she drove that cold Christmas morning. Taking her time, being very careful so no trouble would come to her. It had to be perfect, each and every bit of it. She caught herself smiling now and then at the thought of meeting him. Maybe she’d cry when she hugged him. How tight would she hug him? How long would she kiss him? What would he look like? Maybe he’d cry too. Holding onto her steering tighter, nervousness drove through her body and into her legs making her accelerate, when she immediately slowed down. No accidents today, she thought. It has to be perfect.
She backed up into the packing, pulled the hand breaks and turned off the car while taking a deep breath. Breathe…breathe she said to herself, taking a second shot, this time real slow. She took out her make-up, powdered her face down a little more and freshened up her lipstick. Plumping her lips, she critiqued her sexiness, and the look she should have on her face when he walked out and saw her. It all mattered to her.
Flashes of the past kept coming to her but she brushed them off without a thought. This was new. It was different. It was forever, she thought smiling to herself again. She sprayed some perfume and stepped out of the car, straightened her dress, picked up her purse and closed the door. Looking at her hair, one more time though the reflection in the glass windows, she took one more deep breath and walked to the arrivals.
The crowd was small this time. It was Christmas Day and the airport wasn’t busy. She looked up the information screen and skimmed through quickly to where Fast Jet Airlines was. Arrived 11.25am on time, it read. She looked at her watch, it was 11.30. A gentle man came out driving a cart. She quickly read the tag on his luggage, “Fast Jet,” it read. Okay any time now, she thought, her heart skipping a beat. The nervousness, the flashes, the excitement, it was all happening to her now. She could hear her heart drumming under her chest as she looked around at other crowds receiving their loved ones, hugging, crying, until it all stopped. When a middle aged man walked through the doors. He was of medium height, wore dark wash jeans and a polo shirt. He seemed to be looking up something on his phone…he must have been texting. She stared at him, it was him. She didn’t move and he kept to his phone then quickly looked up, holding it to his ears while looking through the crowds. She was startled by the ringtone of her phone and quickly opened her purse to put it off. It was at the bottom so she had to pull out a few things before she could get to it. Finally pulling it out and quickly pressing the green button to answer, when her hand was held gently. She looked up and there he was. Standing right in front of her, a smile on his face and looking right into her eyes. “Hi,” he said. She stared at him a few seconds more. She stopped breathing and opened her mouth as if to say something but nothing came out. Her eyes were teary. She let out a sigh and brought her hand to her mouth as she broke down into tears.
“Baby,” he said, “I’m here now, don’t cry, I’m here.” Pulling her in and wrapping his arms around her. He looked her in her eyes again, then kissed her forehead. “I’m here baby,” he said. Not being able to talk thorough the tears, she shook her head in acceptance, he hugged her again, this time for long until she could calm down. Slowly, she took her hands from her mouth and Wrapped them around his neck, her face still buried in his chest. He just kept holding on until she was ready. Eventually she lifted her face. Looking into her eyes, he wiped her tears when she softly said to him, “I missed you baby, I missed you.”…”I know honey, I missed you so much,” he replied leaning in and giving her a kiss on the lips.
She pulled herself together as he wiped the little tears left on her face. He held her hand and asked her where her car was. She pointed and he led her to it. She pulled the keys from her purse and gave them to him. He opened the door for her and as she pulled her seatbelt, he helped her click it, when he leaned in for second kiss. A deep kiss, it was this time, as she felt his tongue taste hers. His hand moved up to her neck, pulling her in a little more to him, kissing her deeper each time. She broke away giggling and blushing. He looked deep in her eyes when she broke into a simple smile. “I love you,” he said softly. She simply smiled. He gave her another quick kiss, shut the door gently, and walked around to the other side to let himself in. Starting the car and driving out the airport, he glanced at her one more time, held her hand with his, and drove away into the daytime.
I love how I love you…
It’s not painful, it’s not draining….
It’s peaceful and it’s nice and I expect love from you all the time…and you give it to me…you give it back.
And even if…even if it’s not like the movies, it works just fine, and I love it because it’s not disappointing.
You feel content. And maybe I may not get the thrill of intimacy…or drama…or intense passion,
It’s just perfect cos I’m happy…I smile all the time.
It’s a good kind of love and I can feel it…
It may not take me to the depths of the depths but it takes me to exactly where I wanna be…
It’s safe. I love how I love you…
…I love how you look at me…and I can tell that you can’t figure it out…and you can’t tell if I love you back… And I won’t tell you.
I won’t cos I want you to be in the mystery…the mystery of my affection…not knowing what to expect and wondering if you’re ever gonna be good enough.
But the way you love me, it’s like you’re never gonna let me go…and sometimes I’m afraid…that if I let myself out and I let you know how much I love you…
Then maybe you’ll leave…I love how I love you.
It’s without doubt…it’s without fear…it’s under control.
And even if the lust may take me to the depths of my emotions and make me want to go crazy, and believe me, that thrill is priceless…I love this…I love what we have.
I love this so much…cos I know where it’s going…and I only see white…I see happiness…I see hope.
And truth is some people may want that deep passion but I…I want predictable…I want happy,
Because you reach a point in love and realize maybe it’s not worth it…searching and wondering…and wondering if you’re gonna find…
And maybe we’ll grow to love each other more and more to the point where we find the depths of our lust…but for now I enjoy…you’re attention…you’re affection…you’re confusion…about who I am…about this mystery that lies before you.
And you attempt to figure it out…but you’re patient…you’re love is patient…our love is patient.
And it’s gonna wait…and I love that about us. And we’re gonna take it slow…we’re gonna take it a step at a time…take it…a step at a time.
…maybe this will be right…maybe you are the one…cos you don’t rush…and I love you for not rushing…cos I take my time…cos I know you…and that’s what I want for sure.
…and the innocence in your eyes tells me…that you’re being truthful…that you’re being honest…that your intentions are right…I love how I love you.
You can judge me,
No really, it doesn’t get any worse.
No insult could crush me any further.
No word more hurtful could break me any deeper.
No abuse can make me anymore insecure.
Judge me, I just might find it enlightening.
You wanna know the worst heart break?
It’s the one you live through.
The one whose arms you sleep in,
And wake up to every morning.
It’s the one whose pain you chose to embrace,
In fear of leaving and losing your mind.
You wanna know the worst heartbreak?
Ask the wife who sees her husband run to the arms of a woman,
While she makes his diner.
You wanna know the worst heartbreak?
As the girl whose man begged for her love.
And now she eats off of his rejection.
Have you ever wished to go back to an old love?
The one you took for granted, the one who called you,
And you never picked up,
You knew he’d call you again.
The one who wished you a blessed morning and sweet dreams,
Every morning and every dream?
You wish you could go back to that time,
And thank him for loving you.
But maybe this is what you get,
For not being happy enough, grateful enough,
For wanting more.
So please, Judge me….
Judge me as much as you can.
Judge me for being ungrateful,
Judge me for being unloving.
Crush me, insult me, make me feel insecure…
Make me feel something…anything,
Except this heartbreak I’m living.
Emotions write great poems on cold nights.
Stir crazy thoughts and founded energies.
Emotions make love, and start warzones.
Emotions make you question your sanity and humility.
Emotions Concieve a love then question it’s existence.
Emotions see inner beauty and ignore imperfections.
Emotions may complete you then tear you apart.
Emotions will feed you, then drain you.
Emotions are priceless but high maintenance.
Maybe I’d give up all my emotions,
To remain a free spirit,
Lonely but with stability.
So as I’m in love I will always have a poem.
Emotions write great poems, but your heart pays the price.