Career Women! Their biggest challenge…finding proper balance between achieving career success and relationship success. A couple of days back, I set out a mini debate asking if marriage had become overrated. We are reminded about the statistics of marriage every now and then. In any given setting in the United States, only 50% of marriages last. That means in every two marriages, only one survives.
That statistic is slowly spreading to other nations. Maybe it’s because people around the world are now more aware of their freedom. Freedom to walk away from what’s unpleasant. Or maybe it’s the fact that marriage no longer holds the sacred respect it once had. Should women concentrate on finding success no matter how long it takes, before settling down to start a family? Yes opinions varied, but not according to age group. Specific age groups tended to have similar opinions. One thing is for sure, the honor that marriage decided to settle for in the past few years, has slowly started showing effects. I’m talking about the “Silent Watcher”…the kids!
I did not find it surprising at all that younger generations seemed to be in favor of securing a career and an attractive bank balance before settling down. It’s only normal and fair. Lately you never know where a marriage could lead to. I once overheard a conversation between two ladies. One of them mentioned that you could be with a man for twenty years, and in the twenty first year, you will separate. “Silent Watcher” is always a victim. Seeing firsthand the situation shifting from comfortable to struggling. Parents screaming at each other, disrepectful words flying all over the place, getting kicked out the house, now mum has to find a job, child support drama, randomly finding mum crying and depressed. All that mess gets to them and they start to look at marriage like a waste of time…and money.
This based on what I have seen, I don’t want to commit to someone if I don’t have something that I can call my own, and putting your life on hold for someone who may turn his back on you is a risk I am not willing to take. I’m not saying that every relationship is doomed to fail, but go into one with something. The world we live in is complex, 20 years down the road and that person you gave up everything for might just leave you hanging. -Diedre
The “Silent Watcher” has been trained to find solutions to problems. And the solution to this problem is to become selfish. Don’t get me wrong, I find no fault in one wanting to be selfish and I wouldn’t blame them in this specific situation. Why should I invest in We now, when in the future I’m going to end up being just Me? I might as well focus on Me so when Me actually shows up, I’m prepared.
I think a woman should enter marriage only when she has achieved some level of self-worth she is comfortable with, physically, spiritually emotionally and yes! Career wise! You can’t love someone else without loving yourself first. -Michelle
Love and happiness! A lot of people who claim to have found true love and happiness, claim to find in in their partner and children. So yes, I think a big part of being happy is having someone by your side, having that friend, partner, bestie to share it with…usually the significant other.
If I was 32 with no type of career and a partner who is ready to commit, then I see myself with two options, commit to him, have some beautiful babies, and put my career on hold.
There’s one thing I have noticed about women who stay in abusive relationships. It’s because they are dependent. They could be emotionally dependent, or financially dependent. Either way, they have convinced themselves that their current situation is the best they can get. So they stick around because they don’t want to struggle.
As much as I was entertained by the younger generation, I was more intrigued by the experienced responses. Married people! I’m one of those weirdos who bombard newlyweds with questions about married life. It’s not in their replies that I find my answers, it’s in their new found character. They tend to be more patient, grounded and very tolerant. And those same traits reflected in replies they gave me.
Life is full of choices and how you prioritize them is purely up to one’s self. Some people may choose to build a career and then go in to marriage and vice versa. True, people change, but there must be an extent that you can tolerate. -Connie
Crop Pests! UNWANTED organisms that cause damage by feeding on other organisms that DON’T belong to them. Perhaps the biggest ongoing threat to serious relationships. Commonly referred to as “side liner” and “side dish”. Let’s look at the lifestyle of the pest. The pest doesn’t have the strength, hard work and technique to plant and water its own crop. The pest is an opportunist. So it finds a fully grown nutritious crop and attempts to taste it. True to the eye the crop is just as stable, strong and fully capable of supplying all the necessary nutrients that this pest expected. At times the pest might get spotted and sprayed to its death. But the inattentive farmer won’t notice until it’s too late. However the farmer has a choice. She could weed the plant out and plant a new seed, or she could let the pest have the plant. But you see the pest is lazy. The pest knows nothing about watering and caring for a plant. The pest only knows a finished product. So slowly, the plant starts to die. And what does the opportunist pest do? Go onto the next healthy looking plant.
Late comers have been found to grab other women’s men. Plus when it comes to children, the chances are much more reduced after 35. In a woman’s world, this is a desperate period where they tend to buy love, steal their friend’s husbands, or go for those muscular handsome men with no job , less responsibility but sexually capable. -John
Think about it. Why is marriage such a big milestone in our lives? Is it because we choose to settle down, or choose to start a family? I think it’s because we chose to love exclusively…infinitely. We chose that one person in the world, that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. That one person with whom we will share our joys, our sorrows and our achievements. In my opinion, I believe relationships should be treated like a business. You can’t put in half the effort and then expect a full harvest. You have to invest in your relationship. And we all know that any investment involves, having a game plan, following the game plan, making sacrifices, remaining determined, and most importantly, staying focused on achieving your goal.
I believe we need to strike a balance. Both issues are important in a woman’s life. This is the 21st century and things have changed. Women need to be independent and are expected to still be submissive to their husbands. Women can now make a choice and that should be ok. I guess it’s an individual decision. -Constance
I could not have said it any better!
Till next time -B!